Gather round, good patrons, gather round, come closer to the stage
I'm the Barker for this carnival of horror - lust - and rage.
We tilt and sway along these roads from town to lonely town
These special friends with special gifts and worldwide renown
They bring you joy, they bring you fear, they bring you mystery
Shades of heaven, shades of hell in all their 'twistery'
Is this a blessing they've received? Or penance for their sins?
Betrayed by nature, wracked with pain - the Travelling Show begins!
2. The Half-Man, Half-Woman
Here meet a man who yearned to free the woman trapped inside
He loved a man not as a man but as a hopeful bride
He saw a beauty in himself his lover could not see
And kept it secret till the day that he could set it free
He changed his body, hair and face – a goddess you might say
She lay herself before her love...but sadly he was gay
So now we have half-he, half-she: no love, and no release
A third direction she has found...a self-made masterpiece
He loved a man not as a man but as a hopeful bride
He saw a beauty in himself his lover could not see
And kept it secret till the day that he could set it free
He changed his body, hair and face – a goddess you might say
She lay herself before her love...but sadly he was gay
So now we have half-he, half-she: no love, and no release
A third direction she has found...a self-made masterpiece
3. The Picked Punk
Edgar lives inside this jar; he's thirty-six years old
He knows the past and future, should you wish your fortune told
Some caution may be needed as his powers are so strong
That he'll shape your fate to suit his whims, although he knows it's wrong
He can't resist intruding - how he loves to watch us struggle
Like puppets on his strings while life's twists and turns we juggle
Be careful what you ask him: Edgar's joy comes from your sorrows
Then from ending all the pain he brings by stealing your tomorrows
He knows the past and future, should you wish your fortune told
Some caution may be needed as his powers are so strong
That he'll shape your fate to suit his whims, although he knows it's wrong
He can't resist intruding - how he loves to watch us struggle
Like puppets on his strings while life's twists and turns we juggle
Be careful what you ask him: Edgar's joy comes from your sorrows
Then from ending all the pain he brings by stealing your tomorrows
4. The Alligator Boy
And here the alligator boy, his skin is rough and scaly
His very touch will scrape and scratch; he moisturizes daily
He loves to sun himself on shore, half-covered by the water
Then snatch and snap with jaws that trap an unsuspecting slaughter
His prey will thrash between his teeth until it's lacerated
And then the boy will eat his fill until he is quite sated
Some wonder why we have become this Godless creature’s keeper
We say: God helps those who help themselves; besides, for us it’s cheaper
His very touch will scrape and scratch; he moisturizes daily
He loves to sun himself on shore, half-covered by the water
Then snatch and snap with jaws that trap an unsuspecting slaughter
His prey will thrash between his teeth until it's lacerated
And then the boy will eat his fill until he is quite sated
Some wonder why we have become this Godless creature’s keeper
We say: God helps those who help themselves; besides, for us it’s cheaper
5. The Siamese Twins
Joined forever side by side are Evelyn and Agnes,
Blushing brides to faithful husbands Strongman Luke and Little Magnus
First a double wedding, then a double honeymoon
- Then a sudden double funeral and a double marble tomb
What caused the interruption to so much wedded bliss?
The widowed brides aren't telling but some suggest a misplaced kiss
All we know is that we all woke up to sirens and alarms
And the bloody sight of Luke and Magnus in each other's arms
Blushing brides to faithful husbands Strongman Luke and Little Magnus
First a double wedding, then a double honeymoon
- Then a sudden double funeral and a double marble tomb
What caused the interruption to so much wedded bliss?
The widowed brides aren't telling but some suggest a misplaced kiss
All we know is that we all woke up to sirens and alarms
And the bloody sight of Luke and Magnus in each other's arms
6. The Bearded Lady
A woman with a beard is not the worst choice for a wife
Shunned by others for her whiskers, she will love you all her life
But watch your eyes that they don't stray to another, soft and fair
For your hirsute spouse will burn your house while you sleep unaware
Should you wake, and break the windows, and jump out into the street
Stay silent and in darkness or your virago you'll meet
She'll hunt you down and pin you down and slice you ear to ear
And hide the knife beneath her chin without a single tear
Shunned by others for her whiskers, she will love you all her life
But watch your eyes that they don't stray to another, soft and fair
For your hirsute spouse will burn your house while you sleep unaware
Should you wake, and break the windows, and jump out into the street
Stay silent and in darkness or your virago you'll meet
She'll hunt you down and pin you down and slice you ear to ear
And hide the knife beneath her chin without a single tear
7. The Lobster Woman and the Chicken Lady
With claws for hands, the lobster woman eats the prey she catches
Her favourite morsels are the chicks the chicken lady hatches
We keep them locked in separate cages thirty yards apart
For fear the chicken lady will peck out the other's heart
This rivalry does complicate our ‘carny’ way of life
Sides are chosen, friendships broken, harmony gives way to strife
To solve this mounting crisis we've all reached a special deal -
To boil and roast the tasty pair for one gigantic meal
Her favourite morsels are the chicks the chicken lady hatches
We keep them locked in separate cages thirty yards apart
For fear the chicken lady will peck out the other's heart
This rivalry does complicate our ‘carny’ way of life
Sides are chosen, friendships broken, harmony gives way to strife
To solve this mounting crisis we've all reached a special deal -
To boil and roast the tasty pair for one gigantic meal
8. The Sword Swallower and the Fire Eater
Sandra the singing sword swallower fell for her colleague Fred
A gifted fire-eater who brought his talents to her bed
Our Sandra knew her way around a long and slender blade
So one thing led to another and engagement plans were made
Before the date, to Fred's delight and Sandra's deep dismay
The couple learned they had a little swordsman on the way
Fred couldn't really understand why Sandra was so wary, un-
til he learned when she was born...she performed her own caesarean
A gifted fire-eater who brought his talents to her bed
Our Sandra knew her way around a long and slender blade
So one thing led to another and engagement plans were made
Before the date, to Fred's delight and Sandra's deep dismay
The couple learned they had a little swordsman on the way
Fred couldn't really understand why Sandra was so wary, un-
til he learned when she was born...she performed her own caesarean
9. The Fat Woman
Stand back from Lady Greta for she’s known to be quite vicious
Some patron disappearances are classified ‘suspicious’
She’s famous throughout Europe for her appetite (voracious)
Her attitude (ferocious) and her measurements (capacious)
But the rumours of her preference for human steak tartare
Have ensured her notoriety in nations wide and far
Parents should be most appalled by Greta’s choice of meals -
So why do they send their children in and ignore their final squeals?
Some patron disappearances are classified ‘suspicious’
She’s famous throughout Europe for her appetite (voracious)
Her attitude (ferocious) and her measurements (capacious)
But the rumours of her preference for human steak tartare
Have ensured her notoriety in nations wide and far
Parents should be most appalled by Greta’s choice of meals -
So why do they send their children in and ignore their final squeals?
10. Finale: The Barker's Invitation
This brings an end to our parade of grotesqueries and wonders
We hope we haven’t caused offense to any major funders
If our way of life intrigues you, come and join our merry band
The pay, I’ll say, is not that good, but the benefits are grand
You’ll learn some things about yourself that you had never guessed
You’ll change as you become the thing that you had long suppressed
You’ll share our tents, our trucks and food, the tips from our tipping jar
You’ll see the world, and they’ll see you - exactly as you are.
We hope we haven’t caused offense to any major funders
If our way of life intrigues you, come and join our merry band
The pay, I’ll say, is not that good, but the benefits are grand
You’ll learn some things about yourself that you had never guessed
You’ll change as you become the thing that you had long suppressed
You’ll share our tents, our trucks and food, the tips from our tipping jar
You’ll see the world, and they’ll see you - exactly as you are.
